The Race

“Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last.” Luke 13:30

I have spent all my life trying to be the best at everything. As a little girl, I wanted to be the best at school, the best softball player, the best fisherman, yea the coolest motorcycle, you name it, and the list goes on. To be chosen last on a team or to not be chosen at all was devastating to my fragile ego and only caused me to raise the bar of perfection even higher.

Fast forward to my years as an adult, I wanted to be the best nurse and I didn’t hesitate to let you know that I probably was the best. It took me a long time to figure out this was causing great strife in my work life as well as my inner peace. I continually drew the line in the sand and dared you to step over it. No wonder I was miserable.

It would literally take a whack upside the head to get my attention. And God did. Get my attention that is. Possibly He is the One that whacked me upside the head with a measuring stick, the one that I had been measuring my life with all these years.

I needed a good dose of humility and I got it. The past year has been a revealing year. Just the other day everything that came out of my mouth was wrong and I looked like an idiot while trying to make a first impression. It suddenly reminded me of the words a friend had shared the day before, “And there are those that are last who will be first…” Luke 13:30

I laughed out loud. I know the person I was with thought I had lost my mind (well what else is new). I silently prayed a thanks of gratitude to God, for I get it now.

I know (most days) that God is the only One that will be first and well, I just am along for the ride.

Thankfully this is a race with no end...

What Would People Think?

Psalm 139:17 "How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God."

I don't know where I got the impression I was supposed to be perfect. Maybe I heard it from a parent of a friend, "Look at her, she won't amount to much."

I don't know. Maybe it is what society expects.

Whatever the reason(s), somewhere during my years of growing up I made a vow-a stronghold. I decided I would always strive to do my very best from that day forward. Throughout my school years, I tried to make all A's. If I made a D on a paper say in chemistry (which I did) but ended up with an overall A for the class, I would still stress over the D.

What would people think?

Later on in my life, I became a mom. I was now conditioned to living the perfectionist life of living up to the expectations of others. Thus, I wanted the perfect little children in the perfect little home with the dog and cat and the white picket fence. My children would also need to have the best manners, "Please and thank you."

After all, what would people think?

I remember my own daughter when she was 4 years-old. I had taken her trick-o-treating. I had stressed how important it was to use her manners. That night, she ran her little legs as fast as she could to me yelling across the yard--her candy bag flying in the air, "Momma, Momma, I said my good manners." The homeowner laughing and quite proud of this supergenius child. Of course, I was proud-- Glowing or was I gloating? But why? Did it really make her a better person? Did she even understand? Or did it make me a better person?

What would people think?

She knew she made her momma happy. I was programming her to care what people think.

Don't get me wrong. I think kids should be taught right from wrong. I know plenty of kids these days that are not being taught any manners and are growing up without any type of boundaries.

But one day, something just clicked. I let my kids go. I was no longer worried about what others thought. I had guided them the best I could, the rest was in the hands of God. My job was to pray.

They are now on their own journey and if they fall, I will be right there to pray with them not to fix them.

If they fall?....What will people think?

It doesn't matter, it is between God and my children.

I am only a knot in the strand of their life....woven by love

For God so...

FoR GoD sO LoVeD tHe WoRlD ...hE gAvE HiS oNlY sOn... jEsUs...(John 3:16)

The Last Tear

The GRE test is over.... and I did not do as well as I would have liked... in other words, I did not score high enough this round to get into the school I chose...

All the way home from the test, I cried... I felt humiliated and defeated. I had tried so hard. I spent so many hours applying myself. I felt that should have accounted for something. I also prayed earnestly so that too should have sealed the deal. But God doesn't work that way. And my head knows that.

For His ways are not our ways...Isaiah 55:8

I know these words well but at the time, I was just down right angry. I let God know it too. I had a full blown temper tantrum as I drove home. For one hour as a grown women, I yelled at God. I'm sure those driving next to me thought I had lost my mind. And I am sure they were not too far from the truth.

As I cried out the last tear, called myself stupid for the last time, I finally reached out for one more scripture...one close to my heart-- Jeremiah 29:11... This verse has saved me over the past few months. It has been my mantra so-to-speak.

I know the plans I have for you, Connie...my sweet child

I will prosper you...

I do not wish you harm...

And as my tears subsided...I crawled down from His lap...

and now I wait...

In The Hands of God

"We are all pencils in the hands of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world."~Mother Teresa

The Last Good King

2 Kings 23:25 “Before him there was no king like him who turned to the Lord with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to the law of Moses; nor did any like him arise after him.

Struggles…

we all have them. People, situations, lack of things, too much of a good thing…Life.

What do we do? We pray, “God, help me make those that have hurt us see…” We expect victory because we have the Victorious Lord on our side. We have read the end of the book, we win.

Right?

So we continue to battle on…and we get frustrated when things aren’t going our way. Of course we do. We are partly human after all. Ah!

Josiah, grandson of Manasseh, took the throne. But this young man knew the Lord unlike his predecessors. He was told by a prophet that God’s wrath would rain down because the people had turned away from God. So what is a king to do when he knows he will lose anyway? He followed his Lord without looking back, totally abandoned.

Jesus came as a baby. He lived the trials of life as we did... Actually more than we did.

He came to lose!

He would not win this battle or so it seems to those around Him. “For My ways are not your ways.” It looks as though these kings have lost in the bitter end, but have they?

I thought about how many situations in my own life I feel needs a positive outcome. And when these situations aren’t going the way “I” think they should, I see it as total failure. And the truth be told, I actually want vengeance with people that have hurt me…kind of sort of… but then, how many people have I hurt. And for that, I want God’s mercy. Hmm?

The other day, I read about Joseph’s faithfulness to his brothers. Even after all the pain they caused, he continued to pray and forgive. How many of us have people like Joseph's brothers in our life? We want revenge, don’t we? But this is a battle we are to lose. For we will win, in His eyes. (Matt 16:24-25)

And there stands the Last Good King in all His Glory…

And the day will come when we stand with Him…

IN THE FINAL BATTLE...

Happy Birthday in Heaven Dad

Psalm 23

1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.

You have bedded me down in lush meadows,

you find me quiet pools to drink from.

True to your word,

you let me catch my breath

and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through

Death Valley, I'm not afraid when you walk at my side.

Your trusty shepherd's crook makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies.

You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life.

I'm back home in the house of God

for the rest of my life.

Bryant L. Franklin (October 2nd 1939 - January 24, 2008)

Are You Someone's Light

When someone cries out "if only there were a light at the end of my tunnel"

is it just possible...

that you were sent to be that light?

(Matthew 5:14 --You are the light of the world)

The Saint That Fell Into Grace

The Saint that fell into Grace….

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

Did you hear about…? Or so and so…. Or I hear that another Pastor lost his…

It’s becoming such a common theme we do not even cringe. We are becoming desensitized. Or is it we are thankful that it is someone other than ourselves?

Oh, not because we are innocent although we might some times forget what our own “fleshy desires” might be.

Recently, a dear friend of ours fell and fell hard. His own flesh took its toll. He took a path of a non-fruit bearing life and yes, with his Jesus by his side (See, Jesus never leaves us). Our friend lived in the lie for many years which led him into a life of self-loathing. Eventually, our friend tried to take his own life. But God was not ready for him. He is alive but not without much pain to him and his family. And there are always consequences of our choices. He may now be on dialysis for the remainder of his life.

I learned that another friend that I have always looked up to is not perfect. Imagine that?! Do you think the song, “Don’t look at me, look at Him” brings tremendous merit here?

I am always on my husband about his own flaws or one in particular. In hit me and hit me hard this week that it is not my place to worry about that any longer. Matt 7:5 slapped me so hard, I truly felt dizzy. For my husband has his own journey with Jesus and who am I to interfere? I thought what about my own weaknesses, my own problems that keep me apart from perfection?

Oh, flawlessness, that is right, we are not the perfection that God speaks of when He thought of Someone as the perfect Lamb that gave His life! Otherwise, what did we need Jesus for! And as in Galatians 2:21, God reminds us that Christ did not die in vain.

But I still wonder, so many people, Godly people are falling into the fleshly desires. Despair. Pain. Disease. Disappointment.

I have my own weaknesses that keep me on my knees, weak and praying. It keeps me forever giving grace to my friends and family as I am aware of my own limitations. The plank in my eyes help blind me to the pride I think I once carried(s) and helps me to reflect on an inner love that can only come from God. Spiritual blindness! Not an accident but part of God's plan.

It is almost as if to say, in some daily reminder, we are nothing apart from HIM.

Daily we fall into grace. Daily we are reminded that we cannot live without HIM.

And as the battles rages… and it will--Satan wants us to give up… He wants us to throw in the towel and feel helpless, crying out, “Why bother, dear brother!”

On the other side, God is standing in, not surprised, not anxious but calmly waiting… He already knows where this is going….

You and me, all of US--Into the arms of our precious Savior…

As we--Fall into Grace, His Grace…

And when we stand before our Lord, we will know… we will worship… we will praise… HIM

He will only see us through the love of His Son and the forgiveness of the CROSS.

The Peacemaker

Fairly simple, hey?

The God of Love? 1 John 4

But what happens when I don't get that and it doesn't flow over to my friends or even family.

Someone has misjudged me. They have hurt me. I don't feel loved by anyone. Life just isn't fair, is it?

I want justice immediately. I want to be vindicated. AFTER ALL, it is MY RIGHT!

We have rights, right?

What? Jesus didn't? oh yea, He surrendered all.

OK, I can see where this is going.

But God, I'm really hurt, I was innocent and they need to apologize to me.

Yes, I know Your Son was innocent too.

From The Father's Heart:

Charles Sagle

LET ME VINDICATE

Luke 6:27-30

Pressured Peacemaker,

Let Me vindicate you. Allow Me to be the Lord you have confessed Me to be. Stop worrying about your brother's opinion and go on doing what I have called you to do.

You have sought to gain the understanding of one who has much to learn before any of your words can even begin to make sense to his mind. You have tried to win his heart. Well done. You have tried--earnestly tried-- and I have seen it and I AM pleased. Now will you leave the results to Me?

Cease all self-castigation's, all self-justifications and all your rationalizations now. Henceforth, I will do the correcting, the defending and the explaining. And you? You will be happy again. And I do think it's time you were....

Truly!

Dad...

He Loves Me

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1John4:18)

As a little girl, I would pick flowers and ponder the love of my newest romance. He loves me, he loves me not. If the last petal did not end on what I desired, I would start over. Eventually, I would find the flower that found my beloved answer.

In exerts from the book -- He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen

The author compares this example of our innocent pursuits of love to that of our Savior. Do we not play this very game with God? Maybe not plucking flowers but what about circumstances of life.

I got a raise-- He loves me
I lost my job-- He loves me not
Something in the Bible inspired me--He loves me
My child is very ill-- He loves me not
I gave money to someone in need -- He loves me
I let my anger get the best of me-- He loves me not
My prayers were answered --He loves me
I told a little white lie-- He loves me not

I have lived (and at times still live) this game...
One of --if I perform, work hard, do well-- He loves me

What is our list of failures or do we just live in a dark whirlpool of self-loathing? -For He loves me not

Satan knows he lost at the Cross. His only battle is to continually fill our head full of lies.. and for many of us.. he does a great job...

Fight back....

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1John3:1)

How Will I Die?

(John 3:15)"...that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life"

As A Hospice Nurse, I hear this question often. But this time I will hold onto this question with a whole new meaning and a special love.

My sweet patient looked down at the floor wringing his hands, finally having the courage to ask me “the” hardest question yet. I could sense something had been bothering him during our last few visits. I could see it in his eyes. "How will I die?"

He is an intelligent man so I knew he would expect the details. As I began sharing the process of dying, I could feel “A” presence overtake us. I may perhaps say that God filled the room. He took over the situation. Peace filled the apprehensive uncertainties that crept into my mind.

Nearing the end of my explanation of death and dying, I told my patient (and friend) that one thing I have noticed was that all my patients are given an incredible peace in the perfect time nearing the end. However, all my patients have been Christians. I have heard stories of patients passing that were not Christians that were less than peaceful but I have not personally experienced it so I could not share that.

He then said, “Well, I just might be your first.”

I felt my heart just sink into my toes. I had given him several Christian books to read and he had enjoyed them so I just assumed…. Now, he looked at me with such sadness. He told me that he wasn’t worthy. He had never led a life that God would be proud of. He did not attend church much. And the list grew. But he said, "I'm not a bad person. I just didn't work for God.

I asked him if he had read the Bible or parts of it. And then I asked him if he believed in it. He said, “Yes.” I asked him if he believed that Jesus was the Son of God and again he said, “Yes.” So I did have a foundation to work with as I talked to him.

We went on for some time, God giving me the words, scripture and the peace to share. I finally asked my patient if the thief on the Cross had time for works, church and all the things he had listed and through his tears he cried, “No.”

The words shared were…Supernatural… and from our Heavenly Father…. I was a partaker.

He said, “I have some thinking to do.” And I asked him what he felt he needed to think about. I said, “Would you like to receive Christ as your Savior now? I can help you do that and I would be honored.” He nodded yes. There we held hands. His mom, a Godly woman, sat across the room. And we prayed to receive Christ.

I believe I heard Heaven rejoice.

Interestingly, as I shared this with my family (of course, leaving the name confidential), my 12 year-old son asked if we were going to baptize him. Well, duh! Why didn’t I think of that? So this week our Chaplain is going to baptize him. I’m not sure who is more excited, him or me.

How will I die? My sweet one, you won’t—you have eternal life now!

Good Friday

As recorded in Mark 15

It was the third hour when they crucified him. The written notice of the charge against him read: THE KING OF THE JEWS. They crucified two robbers with him, one on his right and one on his left.Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, "So! You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, come down from the cross and save yourself!"

In the same way the chief priests and the teachers of the law mocked him among themselves. "He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! Let this Christ, this King of Israel, come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe." Those crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

The Death of Jesus At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

When some of those standing near heard this, they said, "Listen, he's calling Elijah."

One man ran, filled a sponge with wine vinegar, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink.

"Now leave him alone. Let's see if Elijah comes to take him down," he said.

With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last.

We cry when life isn't fair....when someone over looks us for something we should have received credit for. Treats us wrong. Cuts us off in traffic. Passes us up on a promotion. States an untruth. "But it's my right...."

Yet this Man, this Jesus, died for sins that were not His own. He surrendered and took this cup. All for us. He never had one right...

As we walk away in silence, and may be even shed a tear, let us pray....

What Is Your Flight Plan? Part 1

(Psalm 104:7) “at the sound of your thunder they took to flight”


Many years have passed but I will never forget the memories with my dad. One special memory is when I was young and spent my Saturday’s flying Cessna airplanes with him (or so he led me to believe I was flying the plane...wink). One of my favorite flight plans were when he would do what they (they being the so –called flight people-whoever that is) called “touch and goes.” He would let the landing gear touch the runway and then take off again. We would do this over and over again. (Just a side note: Sis, did you ever wake up from your nap in the back seat to experience this? Or were you praying? He He)

Little did I know how valuable a lesson this would become in my life.

So many times since then, I have sat across from the doctor just to hear him say, “I am sorry but you cannot have children.” –Touchdown of flight.

But God had other plans. –“GO”, the Papa whispered.

And I remember the doctor saying to me, “Your daughter has hearing loss…. She has a learning disability…. She has…” ---Touchdown of flight.

God had other plans. –“GO”. The Papa whispered once again… (Our daughter is a junior in college and working … she is thriving beyond words.) p.s. She hears better than I do!

And then two years ago, the doctor gathered us up in a private room. I could see it in the doctor’s face. He didn’t want to be there either. My heart was in my throat. My sister said, “Connie, please start praying.” There we held hands and prayed. I wanted to leave. His words sounded like they were so very far away. “I don’t think your dad is going to make it, he has had a stroke and is having seizures.” This was hours after open heart surgery. And the warm tears of my heart fell from my soul. Someone just please stop this so-called “touchdown of flight.”

But God has other plans.—“GO” whispered my Papa.

Eventually as with us all, the time finally came for the plane to set down. Several weeks ago, my dad’s flight plan had come to an end and he finally landed safely home. But rejoice for it was the most perfect landing ever.

His journey is complete and his flight plan was perfectly executed.

I am now living my own flight plan. A week ago, the doctor said, “You have an abnormal spot in your left breast that we need to look at.”— Touchdown of life.

Papa?

We all have our “touch and go” moments, do we not?

I thank my dad for teaching me the exhilarating love of that final landing and the excitement and anticipation of those final moments preceding it.

For eventually, we all have to land.

We will all be called Home.

What is your flight plan?

In Loving Memory of my sweet Daddy... Bryant Franklin

Are You A Basket Case?

(Ezra 9:9) -" For we were slaves, but in His unfailing love our God did not abandon us in our slavery..."



"Just remember, Moses was a basket case too." I have read this sign on marquees often. And I think how that depicts my own life. Or as my husband often says, “I resemble that remark!”

After this past year, it is a blueprint of my own life--filled with changing events of everything from changing jobs, losing my dad and now facing the unknown with the possibility of breast cancer, so you might say I am have moments of feeling like I, too, might be a “basket case.”

I think back to poor Moses’ mom and wonder if I could have ever done what she did. Could I have given my child up in the reeds along the bank of the Nile River like Moses’ mother did? I can’t imagine standing on the shore and watching my precious child float amongst the bulrushes, moving with the currents, knowing that I might never see my little one again.


However, the exciting part of this story is that when Moses became a "basket case" and was alone and adrift in the world, God heard his cry. He provided protection for him by sending Pharaoh's daughter to the river bank that day. She found the child in the basket and provided for him. Then she went back to her home in the palace and made plans for Moses to become her child and follow her there. In Moses' case, God sent Pharaoh's daughter to dry the baby's tears and provide protection and love.

So many times our lives seem to be adrift or we are just trying to make it through one more disaster or tragedy. This pretty much resembles the description of a “basket case”, floating amongst the reeds and bulrushes of life, praying and hoping God will hear our cry.

Fortunately, for us, God sent His son, Jesus, to hear our cry and provide protection and His precious love. Jesus died on the cross as the ultimate sacrifice for our sin, making it possible for us to become the children of His Papa.

After the death of Jesus, and the resurrection, He is now home again, preparing a place for us next to His Papa. Waiting for a wonderful family reunion.

Yes, I think we are all “basket cases”…is that not a good thing!!

Don't Tell Me "No"

(Luke 18:27) Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

When I was young, I remember my mom saying, “Don’t tell me “No.” Yes, you did mom. But let me just say the tradition has lived on. I have become my mom in some aspects. I do not like to be told “No.”

When I was two years-old, my dad told me “No”. He said that I went on to shaking my head side to side as I dramatically tried to make my point as well as yelling “No” incessantly.

I remember being somewhat of an underachiever when I was young. The words, “She will not amount to much” still sting my soul. The scars are deep. But in a way they keep me marching forward. I do not like to be told “No.” Maybe that is why I am never satisfied with my current status, I must achieve more. But when is enough enough? “For my burden is light...” (Matthew 11:30) My Papa whispers to me.

And the rest is history.

My college Professor stood before me looking over my paper with me, “I’m sorry but you just don’t have what it takes. You cannot write. Maybe you should consider leaving school and doing something else.” And tears flowed from my eyes. And the echoes of my past, “She won’t amount to much” came flooding from my soul. Stop here, the road is a Dead-end. There was a blaze that flickered as he told me “No.” And the rest is history.

My husband once told me “No” as he was not worth my time. He should have listened to my dad when my dad said to my now beloved, “Just don’t tell her “No.” And the rest is history.

The other day someone said to me, “But there is NO God.”

Did you just say “No”?

And ...the... rest... is... history.

Let the breath of God lead your path…

Live with me in the Supernatural,

But Through His Gentle Whispers

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. (1 Kings 19: 11-12)

I cried out, “God, is that You?”

And there was no answer.

I kept walking along the shoreline of the beach. The waves had lined up to make nature’s precious song and then came crashing into the seashore like clashing symbols. A perfect harmony but still no word, no voice, I did not hear Him speak to me as He so often does here at the Ocean.

Another storm has come and gone in my life leaving thunderous roars against my heart. I can only hear the undulating noise echoing in my chest leaving me confused to its meaning. The drums of this song are also without words, I am left standing, wondering what my Abba could be saying.

I run for a while, looking, seeking, and trying to find wisdom to its meaning out of all of this, looking for answers from You. I have been in this valley too long. So, I go to the mountain top and wait. “Are You here, God?”

I grew weary so I had to rest, under the big tree, the weeping willow (the crying tree) over on the mountain top. And as the breeze started to blow it was a feathery wind. I felt something softly against my face. I had been kissed by the wind ever so slightly on my cheek. There where my tear had just fallen.

It was there in the gentle wind, I heard my Abba speak to me. His Words were to His beloved, me. And what He shared was so intimate that I have not yet shared those words with anyone, for they have only been treasured between He and I, for now.

My answers came not in the power of the day, the revivals of my journey or the storms of my life, yet through the quiet humbleness of my timid heart.

My heart heard His gentle whispers …..

And He calls to us all, if only we listen for His gentle whispers…..

In Him,