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Friday, June 4, 2010

What Would People Think?

Psalm 139:17 "How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God."

I don't know where I got the impression I was supposed to be perfect. Maybe I heard it from a parent of a friend, "Look at her, she won't amount to much."

I don't know. Maybe it is what society expects.

Whatever the reason(s), somewhere during my years of growing up I made a vow-a stronghold. I decided I would always strive to do my very best from that day forward. Throughout my school years, I tried to make all A's. If I made a D on a paper say in chemistry (which I did) but ended up with an overall A for the class, I would still stress over the D.

What would people think?

Later on in my life, I became a mom. I was now conditioned to living the perfectionist life of living up to the expectations of others. Thus, I wanted the perfect little children in the perfect little home with the dog and cat and the white picket fence. My children would also need to have the best manners, "Please and thank you."

After all, what would people think?

I remember my own daughter when she was 4 years-old. I had taken her trick-o-treating. I had stressed how important it was to use her manners. That night, she ran her little legs as fast as she could to me yelling across the yard--her candy bag flying in the air, "Momma, Momma, I said my good manners." The homeowner laughing and quite proud of this supergenius child. Of course, I was proud-- Glowing or was I gloating? But why? Did it really make her a better person? Did she even understand? Or did it make me a better person?

What would people think?

She knew she made her momma happy. I was programming her to care what people think.

Don't get me wrong. I think kids should be taught right from wrong. I know plenty of kids these days that are not being taught any manners and are growing up without any type of boundaries.

But one day, something just clicked. I let my kids go. I was no longer worried about what others thought. I had guided them the best I could, the rest was in the hands of God. My job was to pray.

They are now on their own journey and if they fall, I will be right there to pray with them not to fix them.

If they fall?....What will people think?

It doesn't matter, it is between God and my children.

I am only a knot in the strand of their life....woven by love

2 little hearts from you...:

Mari said...

Great post! There is such a difference between doing your best and doing things for other peoples benefit. It's easy to fall into that trap and I'm certainly guilty.

Denise said...

Amen, my wise sis. I love you.