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Friday, April 30, 2010

The Last Tear


The GRE test is over.... and I did not do as well as I would have liked... in other words, I did not score high enough this round to get into the school I chose...

All the way home from the test, I cried... I felt humiliated and defeated. I had tried so hard. I spent so many hours applying myself. I felt that should have accounted for something. I also prayed earnestly so that too should have sealed the deal. But God doesn't work that way. And my head knows that.

For His ways are not our ways...Isaiah 55:8

I know these words well but at the time, I was just down right angry. I let God know it too. I had a full blown temper tantrum as I drove home. For one hour as a grown women, I yelled at God. I'm sure those driving next to me thought I had lost my mind. And I am sure they were not too far from the truth.

As I cried out the last tear, called myself stupid for the last time, I finally reached out for one more scripture...one close to my heart-- Jeremiah 29:11... This verse has saved me over the past few months. It has been my mantra so-to-speak.

I know the plans I have for you, Connie...my sweet child

I will prosper you...

I do not wish you harm...

And as my tears subsided...I crawled down from His lap...

and now I wait...

6 little hearts from you...:

Melli said...

Maybe the school YOU chose is not the school GOD chose.

I am terribly sorry. I did pray - and even had my Monday night Bible study pray for you too. And I'm GLAD you let God have it when you were done! HIS shoulders are SO wiiiiiiiiide and He can just HANDLE it! I know... He's heard it from me a few times too! :)

God DOES have a plan for you dear... and it WILL work out just fine. Not YOUR way... but HIS way.

Karin said...

Disappointments are His appointments to show just what He can do....it's not easy to watch and pray and wait! Blessings!

Nancy said...

OH, I know you must be so disappointed. But like you said and the others have echoed. Maybe this door is not to be opened just yet, I have a feeling there is a window about to open somewhere for you. God will direct your path soon.

Tracy said...

I'm so sorry, sweet friend. That's heartbreaking. I do know (as you and others have said...) God indeed has a plan. Our old youth pastor used to say "God's better is always better." He's so right. Either He's got another school in mind for you, or that school, but not yet. Praying you feel His sweet loving arms as you wait to see what is next. Love to you...

Denise said...

Sweet sis, I am so sorry. But, God was crying with you, He never wants to see you crying, or hurting. He has great plans for you, in His time, not our time. I love you. Happy Birthday, so glad you were born.

Julie said...

I'm so sorry, Connie... but you are far from stupid....far from it!

God just has something else... what... has not yet been revealed.

One day though you will know. You will see His perfect hand working on your behalf... you will see how He protected you in a way that you were unaware of at the time.. He's just like that.....