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Thursday, January 1, 2009

IT'S A NEW YEAR OF PROMISE AND HOPE 2009










On A ScAlE oF 1-10, ThIs PaSt YeAr RaTeS a MiNuS 4.




I sit here today looking back on the last year. Two months ago, I was bitter. Today, I look at the new year with joy and hope.




I lost my father last year. My life had spiraled out of control and I hit rock bottom. How? I'm not really ready to go there but just take my word. My life became a roller coaster. Unexpected challenges and this time last year instead of counting each day with my dad as a blessing, I would curse God that I was losing him. I drew further and further away from God.




When my dad died, a part of me died. I then started to withdraw from my family and yes, even God. I lost sight of God but you know what? He never lost sight of me.




I had to find ways to cope with this pain.




I functioned like a robot. I went through the motions. But I quit writing. I quit blogging for the most part except when God was blatant in my life. Funny how He still uses us in the darkest times. How He continues to love us!




I would cry in my pillow through the night, "take this from me." Time dragged on. I began to give up and lose hope. God doesn't care.




Then several months ago I ended up caring for a patient that was suppose to be another nurse's patient. But she was overloaded so I took her. I fell in love with this patient. She was a devote Christian woman. She and I spent long hours talking about life. We shared a few books about the Lord with each other. I was still going through the motions but I wasn't intimate with God.




And then the time came for my sweet lady to go see Jesus. She said, "I'm ready." And she was. Selfishly, I didn't want her to go. I tried to figure out ways to keep her here. I felt like I lost my best friend or parent all over again.




Later I would learn that her purpose was not over. But would need to take place after her death.




I sat down by myself at her funeral. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. As luck would have it, someone in front of me felt the need to talk to me. This guy turns around and ask me if I had been this patients nurse ( I had my name badge on). Of course, I said, "I can't tell you that." So he said, "Well, if you were, I guess you have to be a compassionate, caring, la da da da. so on, Christian person." But it was his tone that ticked me off. So I took the defensive and said, "Well yes it does help. I thought maybe he worked for Satan. (only later to find out he had been a friend of the family for over 20 years) About that time, he handed me a card. I studied it...At first it did look like it was a Satan thing and my skin began to boil. Then I realized he too was a Christian. I also realized he had something I needed.




It just so happens, God ordained this meeting.




Later, he became someone that helped me get my life back on track. My patient's death had purpose. God put this meeting together because God heard my cries. He cared.




I have a new beginning.




I have Hope.




I went to see my dad the other day to tell him it's ok. I am ok. I wouldn't take him back because if I was with Jesus, I wouldn't come back either.




This year is one of great promise.




2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows)




The other night my friend had me read out of lamentations.




and the first words were:




Great is thy Faithfulness..... He has no idea how true that is....





26 little hearts from you...:

JUST A MOM said...

Connie, Thank you for stopping by and for your words. I think of you often during my days at work. We have a Hospice unit right across the hall and it makes me think of you. We also have a couple of our people on hospice one lady is so frail so sweet and I think of you when I look at her and know that it was partly you, who got me in the job I am in today. I thank you, and I call you, FRIEND.

Mocha with Linda said...

This is so beautiful. My heart hurts for what you have been through this year. But I rejoice that you are coming through on the other side. Great is His faithfulness, indeed.

Sharon Brumfield said...

Girl...I have been walking the same path off and on for two years now. Screaming on the inside for God to take this from me. To put me back where I was when things were right. Not only did He refuse to do that but He moved us to a new area...yes, with a dream...but to an area where no one really knew me. The perfect hiding ground.
But like you things are changing.
I would say that I am sorry for all that you have been through but I am just now beginning to see what He has been teaching me. He never allows us to go through these seasons without bringing us out with some refined Gold.
I have missed your words...your heart. I am glad He has been working....it will be good to be able to hug your neck again with words.
Love ya sis

Cheryl said...

Connie you are such a blessing! My eyes are watering from reading. I'm sorry for what you have been through. Great is HIS faithfulness! HAPPY NEW YEAR my friend and pray you have bright beginnings and may your new year be filled with lots of LOVE!

Deb said...

Yes My friend after 2 years I am still learning and coming through the hurts of my dads passing. I love your heart and truth you share. I have been there also, and am thankful for the process. I pray this year is filled with much peace and JOY for you:)love you my friend.

Holly said...

Oh Connie. You know, God has had you on my heart this year to pray for. I have been praying, knowing that you were hurting and asking God for a fresh anointing upon you.

Love you. dearly, friend!
Holly

Julie said...

Oh, my dear friend.... though our circumstances are very different, I understand the journey....I have been in those waters of wrestling with life...

You have discovered a greater place with Papa... He never lets go.

I remember during a really tough time a friend shared a dream she had had when doing through tough times. In the dream, the winds of storms were so strong against her that she felt her grip slipping out of His. The next scene of the dream showed the arms of God holding onto her, as her fingers were slipping from her grasp on Him, He held her.

I wept as she shared that dream with me....as my grasp was slipping...

I see that dream in your experience... Even when your fingers were slipping from holding on, He was holding on to you.

You see now more clearly that relentless love that pursues you even when you do NOTHING....

I LOVE that!

The first time Papa came to deliver me when I did NOTHING blew me away! It was the beginning of a new walk for me...

Thank you for sharing your heart....

Love you friend!
Julie

A Stone Gatherer said...

Thank you for this open and honest post about your year! I know it's been tough on you, but I have to say that even though you may have been going through the motions you were used often to minister to me! God Bless you Connie!

Susan said...

Connie,

I've been praying for you and can't wait to see what 2009 brings for you. Those low places make the high ones even more glorious, don't they?

Big HUGS and Happy happy new year!

:-) Susan

Denise said...

Bless your precious heart, I know the journey has been a rough one, but praise God for bringing you through it. I love you.

Denise said...

There are mountains that we must climb to remain strong in our spirit man..... Sometimes we think that we failed because it took us too long to conquer that mountain when in actual fact, God knows no time.... It is in the darkest of times that our spirit man is in such touch with the Father..... You have moved your mountain and your understanding is much more clear, and there will be others that will receive such instruction from you because of the road you just walked. HE never fails and HE knows what we need to grow..... and HE knows our weakness and HE sent to you the help that you needed... Regardless of the appearance of that help... Bless you girl........ you have become stronger........ There are others that will need that strength....

Happy New Year

Technonana said...

Oh Sweetheart... I am so glad that God never let go of you!! And praise the Lord that He sends us 'messengers' to help us find our way. In your case, two. So glad that you are gaining your strength and learning lessons to be passed on to others who may just need your help.
Love,
Sharon

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

So glad for your re-awakening, Connie. I've experienced some of these same seasons in my own life.

Life's been a rough, long road for me. My thankfulness for God's continuing presence and grace in my life increases with each passing day. I'd be completely and forever lost without his grip.

Keep holding on, friend. God is unearthing your soil for a reason. You are so needed in this world. Thank you for being willing to be his light, even when the wick seems pretty dim.

peace for the journey in 2009~elaine

Tiffany said...

Oh my What a Powerful Post. I haven't been by in a while, but I'm glad I came tonight. I've lost both my mom and dad in the last few years. And this year was especially hard durring the holidays. I can't wait to hear more about comming through to the other side of this journey. Your stories are always so touching and up lifting to me, I really never would have know how hard you are struggling. (But, I also haven't been by in a couple months either.) Thank you for your willingness to share this very difficult and tender part. It helps! ~Blessings!

Bev Brandon said...

I dreamed last night that my mom was alive and at our dinner table and I was so excited that she could know me as I am today, not like I was 8 years ago---but it was a dream. I thought of you tonight in losing your daddy this year and wondered about your Christmas so I stopped by to say you are an awesome daughter who so honored your daddy. Moms long to have daughters like you. What a gift of living life well you gave to your papa and HIM. And you will continue. Romans 15:13 - the God of all Hope who is in you so powerfully will fill you with expectant hope this year. And it's not a hope like I hope this happens---no, it's an awaiting hope in your heart that God will make happen. I love you Connie and am thinking about you this freezing night in Texas wrapped up in your words in blankets of hope. Love your humble honest hurting heart of trust!

Donetta said...

holding you , knowing of what hurt and loss you process. Trust the process. Your travels will gain your freedoms.

Flip Flop Floozie said...

I believe that God will and is doing great things in your life. He must know how hard it is for we humans to loose those that we love. After all he made all of us anyway!! Just take one day at a time. It will be okay!! I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way...

Sharon @ Little Lessons said...

To say "you are in my prayers" sounds so shallow...but you are...I'm praying that every day will draw you back closer to your Abba.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Technonana said...

Just checking in on you!!! Praying all is well!!
love,
Sharon

Donetta said...

I have published the first chapter of my novel. You have always reminded me so much of the lead character. check it out if you have time.

Donetta said...

miss you

Denise said...

Just coming by to tell you that I am going to pray that God give you a double portion..... You are in the line of fire as the angel of comfort to those that are fixing to see HIS face..... You see the hurt and pain and the joy and the rejoicing all mixed into one....... How that pulls on your heart strings as your spirit man rejoices..... We out here that are in the "normal" jobs and those of us that do not work outside the home only experience that turmoil a few times in our lives.... You on the other hand are in the front of that line walking these dear ones home....... How very hard for you to have been asked by the heavenly Father to do that for your own earthly Father...... What joy your spirit man must have felt as he slipped on to the arms of Christ but what grief your heart felt as he left........ I pray you a double portion of the grace by which we are saved and I pray you a double portion of healing for your heart as your spirit man waits for the healing........

Oh the joys that await us, when we see HIM face to face and the joy that we will experience when we see the faces of those gone on before........ I am excited...... but not in a hurry......

Love ya!

A Stone Gatherer said...

Connie I gave you an award, come check it out!

Donetta said...

you have been tagged. GET OVER HERE NOW! :)

Donetta said...

Connie I need you to come

Tiffany Stuart said...

Your honesty is so healing to all of us who wonder where God is in the dark moments/years of our lives.

I love your red heart!!