IT'S A NEW YEAR OF PROMISE AND HOPE 2009

On A ScAlE oF 1-10, ThIs PaSt YeAr RaTeS a MiNuS 4.

I sit here today looking back on the last year. Two months ago, I was bitter. Today, I look at the new year with joy and hope.

I lost my father last year. My life had spiraled out of control and I hit rock bottom. How? I'm not really ready to go there but just take my word. My life became a roller coaster. Unexpected challenges and this time last year instead of counting each day with my dad as a blessing, I would curse God that I was losing him. I drew further and further away from God.

When my dad died, a part of me died. I then started to withdraw from my family and yes, even God. I lost sight of God but you know what? He never lost sight of me.

I had to find ways to cope with this pain.

I functioned like a robot. I went through the motions. But I quit writing. I quit blogging for the most part except when God was blatant in my life. Funny how He still uses us in the darkest times. How He continues to love us!

I would cry in my pillow through the night, "take this from me." Time dragged on. I began to give up and lose hope. God doesn't care.

Then several months ago I ended up caring for a patient that was suppose to be another nurse's patient. But she was overloaded so I took her. I fell in love with this patient. She was a devote Christian woman. She and I spent long hours talking about life. We shared a few books about the Lord with each other. I was still going through the motions but I wasn't intimate with God.

And then the time came for my sweet lady to go see Jesus. She said, "I'm ready." And she was. Selfishly, I didn't want her to go. I tried to figure out ways to keep her here. I felt like I lost my best friend or parent all over again.

Later I would learn that her purpose was not over. But would need to take place after her death.

I sat down by myself at her funeral. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. As luck would have it, someone in front of me felt the need to talk to me. This guy turns around and ask me if I had been this patients nurse ( I had my name badge on). Of course, I said, "I can't tell you that." So he said, "Well, if you were, I guess you have to be a compassionate, caring, la da da da. so on, Christian person." But it was his tone that ticked me off. So I took the defensive and said, "Well yes it does help. I thought maybe he worked for Satan. (only later to find out he had been a friend of the family for over 20 years) About that time, he handed me a card. I studied it...At first it did look like it was a Satan thing and my skin began to boil. Then I realized he too was a Christian. I also realized he had something I needed.

It just so happens, God ordained this meeting.

Later, he became someone that helped me get my life back on track. My patient's death had purpose. God put this meeting together because God heard my cries. He cared.

I have a new beginning.

I have Hope.

I went to see my dad the other day to tell him it's ok. I am ok. I wouldn't take him back because if I was with Jesus, I wouldn't come back either.

This year is one of great promise.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows)

The other night my friend had me read out of lamentations.

and the first words were:

Great is thy Faithfulness..... He has no idea how true that is....