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Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Wind In My Sail



To my dear friends, I so appreciate your continued prayers and support.

I must say, the wind has been taken out of my sail. My ship is not sailing these days. My heart is broken and I am just trying to make it day to day. I never dreamed losing my dad would be so hard. His life was so intertwined in my daily living that everything I do reminds me of him.

I am getting better and I know the winds will once again pick back up. But for now, I'm stuck on the shore. I'm waiting for the winds of my Savior to lift me back up and carry me into the new waters I will be sailing. For I will be traveling in new waters now.

In the deep blue sea, where my dad taught me to appreciate its' beauty, I embrace the 'Sonshine' as it sparkles across the top of the peaks of waves that rise and fall giving us a glimpse of tiny diamonds bouncing around the ocean's rhythmic dance to the wind and tide. Guided by its very presence of a Saviors voice and command. Never once questioning but intuned to the assured.

For now, the winds are quiet in my sail. I am heartbroken. But soon, very soon my Savior will gently blow and cast my sail into new waters.

Today, I will rest in the quiet....




21 little hearts from you...:

Deb said...

Connie, I never thought I would make it back,It took a long time.I used to think I was losing it!! But it's OK!! I did lose it for awhile, Hey I was grieving as you are and you are OK! Little steps, one day at a time. I am praying for you always:)God is with you:)

A Stone Gatherer said...

Resting is good! God will continue to minister to you, and give you all you need! I'm praying peace and joy as you continue to mourn you dad! May you smile with the tears for all the wonderful memories!

Sharon said...

Thank you for being you--where you are.
We are praying for you---fanning a little of Him your way.:)
Love ya girl
Take all the time you need as He gently works on mending your heart.

Denise said...

Precious one, you take your time healing from this great loss in your life. In April my momma has been gone two years, my heart is still healing, I miss her everyday. Keep letting God hold you, never let go. I love you very much.

Sharon said...

When you have time I have a little something for you over at my site.
Love ya girl

debbiewhitlock said...

Connie,
I remember this same feelings in 1995 my dad passed away and I took care of him for the last three months of his life. He was my best friend, it was so hard and took me such a long time. I still miss him so much but we memories I have of him are so great. I pray peace comes your way.

Denise said...

We are still praying and if you get a minute go to my blog and read my Warrior is a Child...

and I have a little something for you there..............

and here is the scripture that came to mind as I was reading your post today..

And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. Acts 2:2

There is a mighty wind of refreshing coming your way.........

hugs0x0x0x

Nise' said...

Father, thank You that Connie is confident in the reality of heaven and the vivid life her loved one is enjoying. Continue to heal her heart as the days go by until one day she will be reunited with her loved one and enjoy You together for eternity. She is precious not only to you but to us as well.

Tiffany said...

Connie-
Thank you for sharing your heart, however broken it may be. Sharing in your journey and your grief has helped me with the healing (if only a little) of my own. I lost both of my parents within two years of each other. Daddy-11/25/03 and Momma 1/31/06. I understand how overwhelmed you feel by your emotions right now- and how you're at a stand still, unable to even will yourself to move forward. Just keep resting in His embrace. There is a "time" for everything, and this is your time to grieve, sweet one. Psalm 57:1 is a comfort! I'm praying for your heart to heal! Bless you!

Speaking Thru Me Ministries said...

Connie - half of the battle is knowing where on the journey of healing we are and then admitting it. The wind beneath your wings is about to come. He is faithful - you know that i am so sure. Thank you for being brave - it takes bravery to admit how you feel and the "lowness" you are feeling. I love you my friend!! Leigh

Flip Flop Floozie said...

I am dreading when this happens to me. My dad is almost 90 and having problems. I so wish it would not happen but we know that one day we will die.
You are doing the best that you can do now. Just hang in there. Everyone says it takes time...
Blessings, Sandy

Julie said...

I am sorry for your pain and your loss, but confident that you will once again rise up. This time it will be with a greater glimpse of His heart in a different way.

I was thinking about the post that He gave me about joy. The scripture is from John 16 when He told the disciples that they would grieve and mourn while the world around them rejoiced, but that He would come again to them and they would have a joy that no man could take away.

You are in the grieving and mourning stage, but the day of Jesus coming to you in joy is on the horizon.

Your resurrection day is coming. The stench of death will be removed and you will feel the life again.

Jesus, come to Connie this day and gather her up in your embrace, holding her while she hurts and mourns. Cover her with your hands, hiding her away in the shelter of your wings. Comfort her as only you can do.

Julie

As We Sail... said...

God will heal, but there is a time to mourn, so take that time. After all, He prayed for you even before He went to the cross (John 17:20-26).

Susan said...

Prayers are still being sent up for you...you are a blessing to us and it's OK to be where you are.

Susan

A Stone Gatherer said...

Connie, I have left an award for you at my blog! Thanks for being a blessing!

Cheryl said...

This will be a very hard time for you but time really does heal. It is O.K. to miss your dad. I still miss my dad also. Even after 18 years. Trust HIM. HE will bring you through this. I have missed you. Glad you are back. Love You!

Gretchen said...

My mom passed away 9 years ago this month. Much different circumstances; I felt horrific pain, but also released, as she was a very tortured woman, and thus made things difficult in our relationship. That aside, there isn't a day I don't think of her. Not a holiday I don't wish I could give her a call. Nor a class play, or soccer game that I wouldn't like to tell her about. Our parents are special for a reason. I would really feel badly for you if you were indifferent to your dad's death.

And so...moment by moment, you move on. Prayer by prayer, and precious tear by precious tear (loved that post, BTW).

I've been thinking of you often.

xxxooogretchen

Julie said...

Connie,
Another random post but I don't know where to put it but here. Is there an email address somewhere? I feel bad posting this on this post.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Yes, I am halfway through The Shack for the 2nd time. My husband read it to us all the first time, but I just get more out of it when I read it myself.

Speaking of retreats I am speaking at one up here in two weeks. It is a called "You are God's Love Story." It starts out with God's pursuit, moves into the woundings and ends with His restoration. I have not even started preparation. I am feeling "blocked". The focus is on moving out of religion to relationship, the old man to the new man. It is a combination of Captivating, Christ-Life, the Father heart of God, Lifetime Guarantee, etc. I trust God will show up with some words...if not there will be alot of women staring at me.

I think we would have a great conversation over coffee. Seems like we are on similar paths towards living in the created identity, instead of the distorted identity.

Maybe one day our paths will cross. I hope so.
I think I told you that I live in Ellijay, but I can't remember.

If God leads you to pray for me regarding the retreat I'd love it.

Again, thanks for stopping by.

Julie

JUST A MOM said...

(((HUGS)))

Patty said...

Connie, I cannot begin to know how you feel but I am praying for you and what you wrote was just so touching and beautiful. It is a time of letting people love on you and support you in whatever way you need. Take your time and rest in Him!
Love You,
Patty

Donetta said...

Trust the process...it is not only your daddy that you grieve. It is your Daddy who gives you the permission. He is giving you a gift is his passage. Do you see it?
So many have passed and you have stood by in another role. Now your healing will be complete. It is in so many that you had to be the strong one helping their families through. Rest, weep and be restored. In your Daddy's passing you have permission to grieve.