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Friday, February 22, 2008

Feeling Raw





Today, I had the honor and privilege of walking home a dear lady. She was ready. She wanted to go see her husband that had gone onto see Jesus some years ago. She went peacefully.



For me, it brings back memories of watching my dad go home to Jesus just weeks ago. So I shed tears with this family.



People ask me how I am doing. For the most part, I am doing better each day. Interestingly someone shared a note with me and I have to agree with the emotions and feelings described so well. Coincidentally, my friend that lost her daughter several months ago just emailed me this week and talked about how hard her days are. I was thinking how she was describing her pain to this man's account of the aftermath in his own life as the depiction of the raw moments of pain.



So let me share a portion of this letter:



(after losing his wife unexpectedly)



When asked how do I feel, I tell them raw. Raw doesn't feel good or bad. Raw is the smell of lilacs by the back door, not six feet away from her relics on the mantel. Raw is listening to Mahler's Fourth Symphony or the sons of Sweet Honey in the Rock. Raw is reading the hundreds of letters that come in, watching television alone at night.



Raw is letting whatever happens happen, what arises, arise. Feelings, too: grief, pain, loss, a desire to disappear, even the desire to die. One feeling follows another, one sensation after the next. I just listen deeply, bear witness.



Reminiscing about their home... doing things they loved...Thinking of the smile on her face. He bears witness to her.



How am I doing? I am bearing witness. And the state of bearing witness is the state of love.



by Bernie Glassman.....



Not a day goes by that I do not bear witness to my dad... I carry the torch of love


"Go into your grief ... for there your soul will grow." Carl Jung


15 little hearts from you...:

As We Sail... said...

That's a good definition of feeling raw. Sounds very similar to numb.
Hope you will continue to heal.

Denise said...

My friend, you are carrying that torch with much dignity, and grace. Your dad is so proud of you, and so am I. I love you.

A Stone Gatherer said...

Connie I am going to share your post with a dear friend of mine who is in deep grief over her husband! Thanks for posting this.

Grace said...

Absolutely beautiful post Connie!
I adore your background music. One of my favorite songs ever, ever, ever! Thanks for sharing with us.

Deb said...

Your ok Connie:) Your OK:) love ya:)

Sharon Brumfield said...

Love ya girl.
I am still praying--I can't imagine the rawness.

JUST A MOM said...

stopping by and I see how you are doing I will not ask hang in there

Donetta said...

Be embraced:)

Flip Flop Floozie said...

What a great way to write out your (his) feelings!! That is a good word too..RAW!! That is how you feel. Sandy

Donetta said...

You have been tagged come play with me.

Denise said...

The Lord has given you such a gift with the words that you speak.. they do bring healing and comfort.... I read your blog and I see and feel what you pen........ It is a gift as sure as God gave gifts to men..... You are a light to those that you touch and you are a light to each of us that read your incredible life journeys that you are taking with God people....

Laura said...

Grieving as "bearing witness" - that's one of the most powerful definitions I've ever heard.

This was a breathtaking post.

Keep bearing witness, Connie.

Cynthia said...

Continueing prayers for your healing. Such a beautiful post.

Cynthia

Penless Thoughts said...

I came over from the link on Southern Sass's recent blog award to you. I will be back!!! This was so very touching.
Susan

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Ah, I know well the feeling. Many years ago I became a young widow and a single mom for a season. God's grace is what has seen me through. Praise Him!

(Here via my blogging friend Helen at Work of Heart)