Feeling Raw

Today, I had the honor and privilege of walking home a dear lady. She was ready. She wanted to go see her husband that had gone onto see Jesus some years ago. She went peacefully.

For me, it brings back memories of watching my dad go home to Jesus just weeks ago. So I shed tears with this family.

People ask me how I am doing. For the most part, I am doing better each day. Interestingly someone shared a note with me and I have to agree with the emotions and feelings described so well. Coincidentally, my friend that lost her daughter several months ago just emailed me this week and talked about how hard her days are. I was thinking how she was describing her pain to this man's account of the aftermath in his own life as the depiction of the raw moments of pain.

So let me share a portion of this letter:

(after losing his wife unexpectedly)

When asked how do I feel, I tell them raw. Raw doesn't feel good or bad. Raw is the smell of lilacs by the back door, not six feet away from her relics on the mantel. Raw is listening to Mahler's Fourth Symphony or the sons of Sweet Honey in the Rock. Raw is reading the hundreds of letters that come in, watching television alone at night.

Raw is letting whatever happens happen, what arises, arise. Feelings, too: grief, pain, loss, a desire to disappear, even the desire to die. One feeling follows another, one sensation after the next. I just listen deeply, bear witness.

Reminiscing about their home... doing things they loved...Thinking of the smile on her face. He bears witness to her.

How am I doing? I am bearing witness. And the state of bearing witness is the state of love.

by Bernie Glassman.....

Not a day goes by that I do not bear witness to my dad... I carry the torch of love

"Go into your grief ... for there your soul will grow." Carl Jung