Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

2 Samuel 12:18 “…on the seventh day the child died…”

If you read my website, you know that I have become a supporter to the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation. If you know me, you might ask why. I have not lost a child in childbirth, praise God. But for some reason, God has called me into this ministry as my heart is very tender to those grieving. Yes, I do counsel women that have lost children but even that did not seem to scratch the surface to why I have this tender spot.

I prayed for sometime asking God, why. And eventually, as faithful as my Abba is, He did reveal His answer through His whispers of time.

I worked as an Operating Room Nurse years ago, as a new nurse I did many C-sections and D&C's. With that comes the tragedy of late term miscarriages, stillborns, premature births and children born with severe birth defects. As a nurse, I was expected to stand strong and deal with the situation. I remember many times holding a baby that had died or would soon die and looking at the perfectly formed child wondering what could have happened. The child looked so beautiful, so tender and so angelic; there I would ask God why.

Then, I would hand the baby to its’ mom and family. There the family would grieve. The cries from the babies’ mom and dad still haunt me. Their grief is not anything one can understand except through experience.

I did not realize at that time how healthy this was for the family to be with their baby as much as they needed. I was forced (I was told to be professional) to remain intact where really I wanted to go sit somewhere and just cry. Do you know how painful it is to hold in tears, your throat tightens up to where you feel you can’t breath, that you may be strangled by your own sobs?

I guess my immaturity in my role as a nurse, that as a very young mother and also as a (at the time I thought I was) Christian, I regret not knowing I could have played a bigger part in these parents’ lives. I wished I could turn back the clock. I wished I would have known it was ok to grieve with these parents. I wished…

But now that I know there is something out there for these parents, I can give back what I couldn’t do many years ago….

This is my gift to them….my way of saying I am sorry if I wasn’t there for you then but I will try to be now.

As our Papa says, “I AM… so that you won’t have to be.” I will pray for the I AM to embrace you when you think you can't go on.


Blessings to this foundation……

Connie Barris, R.N.