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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

My Dad



I live this job... Hospice that is... but when it hits me in the face it is different. I can't see it.

We admitted my dad last night to the hospital for terminal care. He became combative and we couldn't control him. So basically that means he is in his last two weeks of life. All the signs are there but I can't accept what is happening.

I am in the most vulnerable state of my life. It's like one of those dreams where you are standing out in a crowd naked.

Is this God's way of preparing me to let him go?

Even so, it hurts more than ever.

I'll be taking some days off to be with my dad...

I'll have you all close to my heart






24 little hearts from you...:

Melli said...

Ohhhhhhhh Connie... I'm so sorry, Sweety... of course it's different when it's your own Daddy... how could it not be? You and your daddy and your family are sO in my prayers...

Sharon said...

Dear Connie I can not even begin to understand or imagine.
But do know this--I will be praying.
Praying as you prepare to do with your Dad what you have done for so many others.
I love you girl--you have touched my heart.

Patty said...

You know you have been on my heart and in my prayers concerning your dad since before Christmas. I have checked in every day to get an update. My heart breaks for you and your family. You have brought so much peace and hope to families that have been where you are and my prayer today is that God will bring you someone that will do the same for you!! May He give you strength and peace at this time!
I Love You,
Patty

Chocolate and Coffee said...

Connie I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. God will give you peace. You and your family are in my prayers.

Blessings to you.

Angie said...

Connie....my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry. As we faced the situation with my sister...coming to grips with reality...the song came on the radio on the way home from the hospital..."Praise You in the Storm"...Connie, as a child of God we have that assurance from Him, but that doesn't make the pain go away. Nor does it lesson. But we are given an inner strength that we can't fully explain...that we have a heavenly Father that is holding us close. We can even feel His breath in our hair.
Connie, although we've never "met" outside blogville, I love and care for you. I will be in prayer. As we Trust Him.

helenw13 said...

I recently discovered your site...I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your dad and your family...I know that the Lord is sufficient for every moment by moment need that you have and am confident that you can cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you and your family.

Susanne said...

Praying for you, and your sweet Daddy my precious friend. Our hearts go out to you both...

Deb said...

Connie, ((((hugs))))
and
more ((((hugs)))

and
PRAYERS!!

Donetta said...

Think on these things... those things that are lovely, of good report...think on all of these things. Focus on the beauty and shed the suffering as comfort surrounds you. Standing with you. He can hear you tell him all you want to say and when it is that moment release him. When you let him go know that it will only be for a little while. Time is but a vapor.
I love you Honey
Be embraced
I stand with and for you in this passage.

Denise said...

I am so sorry and I grieve with you.... what hard things our hearts have to endure..... I used to ask why but any more I just crawl up in the lap of my Father God and cry.......... that is ok.... I will pray ...... You have given so much of yourself to others in their time of need.. I know that the Father will give that back to you a hundred fold.

Love

Denise said...

My precious friend, I am truly grieving with and for you. I am embracing you with much love and many prayers. God will walk with you through this, but I understand how hard it is. Climb into your Fathers lap, and rest dear one.

Flip Flop Floozie said...

Connie, I completely understand!! Take your time and be with your dad. That is where I would want to be. i still have that to go through with both of my parents. Bless You.
Sandy

A Stone Gatherer said...

Oh, I know the pain of losing a father! My heart is going out to you as I have tears in my eyes over the memories of my dad's last days. Even though after 18 years I still miss him and wish he were here to talk to about Godly things (he was a wonderful man of God). I know where he is, and I rejoice. I'll be praying for you, and yes this is one of God's ways of helping you process. It so is not easy, but God will be there to hold you up!!

Cheryl said...

I'm sorry Connie. I have lost my dad so I know what you are going through. I'm praying for you friend, hang in there! Love

JUST A MOM said...

Connie I ma osrry I am late I am thinking of you and holding your heart up to Him.

Nise' said...

My heart hurts for you! I will be praying for you and your family.

Denise said...

Wrapping you gently in my heart, I love you so much my friend.

Denise said...

I know you are away but just had to come by and say that you are on my heart....... It is impossible to write what I feel but just wanted to say that you do not have to have strength for this journey... you can just be a child and let the Father God be the strength. Hope that makes sense to you.......:)

Denise said...

I know you are not around here right now but you are most deserving of this award.... You are in my prayers and there is a cute little award waiting for you.

denise

Mary said...

Connie,

My heart goes out to you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Blessings,
Mary

Linda said...

Connie, you are in my heart and prayers. Psalm 34:18 The near is to those who are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.

Bev Brandon said...

Oh Sweet Connie...with tears running down my cheeks, I want you to know that I am praying for you as you know that this day has been drawing near for a while. Never easy to close that chapter. He has loved well, lived well, suffered well. May Psalm 81:10 happen for you that God will open your mouth and give you the words to say as you have done for so many others. His Strength will rise in you. In fact, it's rising right now. Our prayers and thoughts are with you. I've been so wondering how he was. My love to you. I know God will carry you through this! And He will give you water in your desert---Isaiah 41:17,18 that's what I prayed for you last night. Let us know. Much Love, Bev

charlestonyaya said...

Connie, It's been awhile, but I am still out here reading and praying. I so understand where you are with your Dad - you have my prayers for peace for each of you as you travel thur nephew will be in my prayers as well. Please assure him that there are those of us who are so very proud of him for what he is willing to do, and are forever in his debt. Please thank him for his service. Praying for you, Kathy Bishop

Bernadine said...

Connie, I'm so sorry, I'll be praying for you.