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Monday, June 11, 2007

A Season Passed



Some time ago I took a personality test. It revealed two things about me. Well, really more but mainly two things stood out about me -- the characteristics of a Golden Retriever - its gentle, loyal, laid back behavior... you get the picture.

And then interestingly that of a Lion. As you would expect, the characteristics of a lion are strong, dominant and ruling.

These two traits cannot coexist. So apparently one is a mask for the real me.

The question being -- Who am I?

First, let me tell you how this happens. A lion doesn't one day decide to become a dog. Even if he is raised by a pack of dogs. His true identity is to hunt and conquer. And eventually the lion's true character will overpower him to hunt.

Now take the reverse, if your precious retriever is mistreated, abused or hurt one time too many, he begins to defend himself. He attacks when threatened. He becomes strong. He loses his identity of who he really is, kind of sounds like a lion.

There is nothing wrong with being a lion if that is who you are. But in my case, I was not a lion. And this poor dog (aka me) had lived with the lions too long. I lost my stamina somewhere along my journey. By the grace of God!

My heart was weary and it cried out to the Papa. I fell before Him . A season came and it went. And there was silence. I don't know about you but I get nervous in that silence. I start seeking something... anything...

Be Still and know Me. (Psalm 49:10)

My heart was so heavy.

I waited. (it was like my 40 years in the desert)

Another season came and went

And another

Silence

Be Still....

I cried..."Oh Papa"

Then years and years later....my brokenness... I was stripped of everything... I had nothing left.. but myself totally dependant upon my Abba.

I heard His voice...."Rest" (Matt 11:28-30)

I had no where to go and nothing left. So, I rested in His arms....

And I finally heard Him speak.... it was so clear... I felt I was on Holy Ground...

As I wait on news of my dad.... I am at peace..... it is a watch and see... but there is peace

During the death of my friend Al... You showed me where my next Season will be...

Your perfect timing.......Your perfect Love........Your perfect Plan

That you have prepared me for a new life as a nurse and as a counselor. Who would have ever thought?!

You opened the door... as I now walk into a new journey as a Hospice Nurse. Walking away from the comforts of the job I have known for so long. Because you have shown me where I am to go. To walk...Thank you Al, in your memory I will hold my new role up with respect and honor in your name.

As my husband said, "How many people have the opportunity to walk people home to the Father"

Papa to see Your plan worked out so beautifully, I still stand in awe.....

Thank you....

For the sun sets on one season but will rise on a new.....

I am starting a new journey....




11 little hearts from you...:

Susan said...

And what a blessing I am sure you will be! I am always amazed at the Hospice Heart. It's such a blessing for families as they watch and wait and grieve for a loved one.

Blessings.

:-) Susan

Linda said...

You always inspire me.

Denise said...

Bless you as you begin your new journey my dear friend, I will be praying for you. I know you will be an awesome hospice nurse.

Gretchen said...

I think I would love hospice work, too. And you, my friend, will be amazing. God has done such awesome works in you. I'm sorry for your past pain; how wonderful of our precious Father, though, to lift you out of that pain and make good from horrible circumstances. Amazing.

Big hugs!

TammieFay said...

It's obvious God has given you a heart for this new journey! So good to hear from you again...welcome home!

Dori said...

Connie,

First of all, I'm so glad you are home! I can't tell you how many times I clicked on your blog thinking "maybe, just maybe!"

Hospice care is such an important job and I am praying that you have one opportunity after another to share Christ in this new journey.

This was beautiful!!

Blessings,
Dori

Patty said...

Welcome back Connie!
May God bless you as you enter into the new season God has taken you to. This post was a blessing as you are!

Love,
Patty

Linda said...

heyconniebaby--thanks for the nice words of support. Now, a question: why did you name your blog "Little Red Hearts from God?"

Linda said...

I tagged you.

Nise' said...

You are going to make a wonderful, wonderful hospice nurse and I love what your hubby said about being there as people step from this life into the next with the Father!

MichelleD said...

I just found your site from the Comfort Care newsletter. I am a hospice volunteer, and I'm almost done with my MA Counseling. I really want to be a grief counselor for children and adolescents. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE hospice! Just last week, I sat with a man who was 'actively dying.' I don't know if he knew I was there or not. I wasn't there when he died. I have friends who ask me how I can volunteer at such a 'sad' place, and I always tell them that hospice isn't sad. It's about how you live! :)
Twinkling for Jesus,
Michelle