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Thursday, March 4, 2010

Grumpy Old Women


I wake up and my day begins..Again..

I have often wondered what it would be like to have the money back that I have spent on products to make myself look better. Especially since not one of the millions of dollars of make-up, shampoos or lotions have made me look one bit better.

I have spent hundreds of dollars each month on products “Guaranteed or your money back” for the unwanted wrinkles. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any of my wrinkles. Then there is the matter of hair products; I have had to create a pathway in my shower for the thousands of dollars of shampoos. One of my shampoos is for curls (my latest craze). One is for colored or tinted hair (I think that was last month) and then there is the shampoo for fine limp hair when my hair is in desperate need of a style.

Are you getting the visual here?

Once I have weeded through the obstacle course of beauty, I head to the kitchen to down some more Starbucks coffee. Usually this is my 2nd or 3rd cup but who’s counting. I need my caffeine.

Walking by the mirror, I’m frequently reminded of the unwanted visitor. Some grumpy old lady that does very little to contribute to the household other than her perpetual complaining. Heck, truth be known, she looks a lot like my momma. She is even starting to sound like her.

The more I yell at the old lady in the mirror, the more she yells back. After I have completed my daily ceremony, I leave for work. Off to horde my savings for my glorious golden days. However, I have the idea that by the time I get to those days, I’ll have saved up enough money to buy a pair of panty hose. Cheap ones at that.

No use in throwing a hissy fit.

Getting back to the sad and disconcerting truth of this new momentous metamorphosis’ such as the fat behind our arms soaring in the wind now appears as angel wings just about to bud. And ladies, it is OK to buy a smaller size bra so that we can roll your Tata’s up and stuff them into the desired cup size. And last but not least, the little bags under our eyes, well just thank your parents. We can sure enough try the cucumbers chilled and put on our eyes for 20 minutes, when done, throw them in our salad.

Ladies, we don’t want to waste anything.

Eventually reality will set in; and we will get to the” who- gives-a –rats-butt care in the world.” So next time, say hi to the old lady in the mirror, don’t kick the kid and lock up the dog. Or is it lock up the kid and kick the dog?

Whichever-- don’t take life so seriously, no one gets out alive!!

4 little hearts from you...:

Denise said...

I love this sis, thanks.

Melli said...

TRUE that! I'm thankful that since I don't watch tv I don't see all the ads telling me which products I need! Therefore, silly me, I have stuck with cheap ol' Suave for eternity and just by whichever scent happens to appeal to me at the moment. As far as I've been able to tell, they all clean my hair the same. A good cut makes a lot more difference than ANY product on the market. Soooooooooo... I don't feel too bad about all that "product" I've bought ... and the cash back probably wouldn't buy me more than a few Frappacino's! :) However... if I could get back all the money I've spent increasing my poundage in restaurants - especially over the past 3 years! Now THAT could probably by me a new car... or something. LOL! So now I pay the price... with DIET and *ew* exercise! AGAIN. *sigh*

Nancy said...

What a cute post. This relates to so many of us women, including me, of course. Always the next best product to keep us young and free of that ole' aging process..only to realize we will get old no matter what!!!

Karin said...

Now if I took the money I spent on specialty coffees on my way to work, and used that for a fitness club membership, it would be much better for me. Loved your post!